living in a white country as a minority is a traumatic experience.
i did a degree in migration studies just to heal, like a form of mental therapy, lol. i spent a year digging through all the explanations about race, gender, culture, just trying to make sense of the pain.
people always tell us to suck up the injustice, but really, we shouldn’t.
Hi Bill -- Assuming you're replying to me not Yuhao?
I use 'Asian' because that's how I see myself and what I identify with.
I don't resonate with oriental/someone from the East, especially in English, given its association with colonialism and exoticization, hence my issue with The Oriental Club. I think the term 东方人 is fine when Chinese people use it for themselves; but no one says that in Chinese.
Everyone in China says 东方人。 How do I translate 东方人?
It is dishonest to pretend I am translating 亚洲人 and I do not challenge the Chinese who have called themselves 东方人 for centuries.
Chinese called themselves 东方人before European colonies. They saw themselves as the nation in the center of barbarian nations. To them the term “Asian” is synonymous with “barbarian”.
Political correctness doesn’t allow honest translation. This is a barrier to communication
I’d love to discuss in person the usage of language somehow because i realized that just like the author, the term ‘no one’ and ‘everyone’ can be definitive and misleading.
By ‘no one’, I meant people in contemporary China, and through media and colloquial conversations, I have not seen/heard 东方人. I’ve seen the usage 东方崛起 but it’s not popular.
Ok I’m explaining myself again 😂 and I do wonder what do you mean by ‘Chinese’. Which era were the Chinese you read/hear about are from? Should I doubt my identity because you believe all Chinese should be 东方人? (Both are non-rhetorical)
Ok dude, it's not even about race and ethnicity at this point, you have no human decency, because you are telling a Chinese person how she should think and feel, based on archaic readings you did about MY demographic.
Would you say the same thing to Black people? Or do you only dare to say this to an Asian woman?
Yaling, I'm black, male & a baby boomer and experienced many such encounters with Europeans that typically end with "I'm joking", if challenged or silence if ignored by me. I applaud your energy, commiserate with your fatigue and encourage you to continue speaking out. With over 50 years of experience I can assure you there is no fitting in bc even if you try, "A" will pull you out with microagressions that would exhaust an elephant. Good luck and live your life.
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts O, it means a lot to hear from another social group who are on the receiving end of this. The common denominator is that they are telling us by behavior that our feelings do not matter.
But it's about us. And we have the power to choose to engage or not: sometimes it gives us more peace to disengage, sometimes it makes us empowered to engage. As of today, I already feel that I'm ready to fight back and keep fighting.
Sorry to hear about all of these recent (and past) experiences... I remember back in the day, ethnic studies at Berkeley used to teach more about why the "model minority" myth is a negative thing. Not that I expect A to have studied any of it, but fetishization being a bad thing is probably an even easier thing to understand without any of the rather involved historical nuances.
The sexpat journalist thing... ugh. I guess it shouldn't be surprising, but that's definitely an unfortunate new thing to learn about.
Always appreciate your writing and hope you continue strong with it!
Thank you for sharing that experience James. 'Model minority' is something I had to educate myself on after moving outside China, and it's also NOT discussed at all in the UK.
But I did have that in the back of my mind when writing this — the thought of defying the 'model minority' empowers me — and I feel like I'm not just speaking up for myself.
Absolutely appalling in this day and age — I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Proud of you for speaking up and I'm hoping your account will inspire others to speak up, especially non-Asian allies. The emotional labor of educating others shouldn't be only our burden to carry.
Thank you Grace, reading comments like yours recharges my energy.
What you've pinpointed is so accurate — how non-Asian allies should support, and the emotional labor — I do hope more people who are not directly affected by the mindset 'Asians' feelings don't matter' can also join the conversation.
Thank you, Yaling, for sharing this so powerfully! For far too long, East Asian women have been (or expected) to stay silent—carrying the weight of blame, stereotypes, and misperceptions on their own. That silence has never been consent. It’s time to disrupt the narrative and reclaim the space, voice, and visibility we deserve, especially outside Asia!
I've heard experiences from my wife, who is of Indonesian-Chinese ethnicity, that have shocked me. She is often told things like "how can you have ten years of working experience??? you look too young", or "you can't know about this because you're too young" and many similar things like this. Yet they have no clue that she's opened more than 50+ high end hotels across 3 continents and worked with billionaire owners from Germany to Tajikistan as well as hotel companies who add new brands to their portfolios. She was fortunate to spend a lot of her time growing up in New Zealand, where almost everyone who isn't Maori is considered an immigrant, and says there's almost no discrimination in New Zealand.
But I think in the UK one thing which also adds to any stereotyping is our class system. It's very subtle and some immigrants don't see it for a long-time, but anyone trying to achieve things is subtly pushed back unless they meet certain criteria such as going to the right schools, or having the right connections. There's an undertone of "who do you think you are?", which can be felt by those who have lived here all their lives and also immigrants. From what I understand the US is quite different to this, but having never lived there I can't say from my own experienc.
I am non-Chinese/non-Asian and lived the majority of my adult life in Mainland China including as a student at a t'op' Mainland Chinese university. This is absolutely nothing compared to the abhorrent racism we all experienced. In many ways I have sympathy for you and feel saddened by your experience. But as a Mainland Chinese national I have absolutely ZERO sympathy for you. Mainland Chinese are the most racist backward idiotic and hostile nationality against non-Chinese I have ever encountered, and are getting infinitely worse and Xi's ultra-nationalist Maoist BS rule.
Hi there, just want to point out that you are doing the same thing as the woman, putting all Chinese in a box, and want to point out that I am an individual. You DO NOT deserve those treatments, but it's hurtful to see that you decide to turn what you suffered back to individuals who haven't said or done those things to you. I hope you heal.
I’m drained to read about something like this happening in a city that calls itself cosmopolitan but have met enough people who think like that to not be 100% surprised. And hope you have other spaces that are free of that kind of assumption and objectification.
that's the problem with life. it's mostly cringe...the only question is whether you're in a position to avoid the cringe. that's what this post is about.
living in a white country as a minority is a traumatic experience.
i did a degree in migration studies just to heal, like a form of mental therapy, lol. i spent a year digging through all the explanations about race, gender, culture, just trying to make sense of the pain.
people always tell us to suck up the injustice, but really, we shouldn’t.
thanks for speaking up
I'd love to hear more about your experience! I believe that could help those who care understand from a human level.
Your use of “Asian” is confusing. Too often Americans distort continents and races, so “Africans” are black until we see they aren’t.
When you “Asian”, do you mean 亚洲人？ Or are you trying to say 东方人?
American political correctness makes it difficult to say what you mean.
Hi Bill -- Assuming you're replying to me not Yuhao?
I use 'Asian' because that's how I see myself and what I identify with.
I don't resonate with oriental/someone from the East, especially in English, given its association with colonialism and exoticization, hence my issue with The Oriental Club. I think the term 东方人 is fine when Chinese people use it for themselves; but no one says that in Chinese.
“no one says that in Chinese”
Everyone in China says 东方人。 How do I translate 东方人?
It is dishonest to pretend I am translating 亚洲人 and I do not challenge the Chinese who have called themselves 东方人 for centuries.
Chinese called themselves 东方人before European colonies. They saw themselves as the nation in the center of barbarian nations. To them the term “Asian” is synonymous with “barbarian”.
Political correctness doesn’t allow honest translation. This is a barrier to communication
??
I’d love to discuss in person the usage of language somehow because i realized that just like the author, the term ‘no one’ and ‘everyone’ can be definitive and misleading.
By ‘no one’, I meant people in contemporary China, and through media and colloquial conversations, I have not seen/heard 东方人. I’ve seen the usage 东方崛起 but it’s not popular.
Ok I’m explaining myself again 😂 and I do wonder what do you mean by ‘Chinese’. Which era were the Chinese you read/hear about are from? Should I doubt my identity because you believe all Chinese should be 东方人? (Both are non-rhetorical)
So you have never been to China.
I prefer Chinese because it is not polluted by untruths mandated by Western political correctness.
I will say 东方人because that is what Chinese say. I will not refer to Chinese as 亚洲人because Chinese do not consider themselves barbarians or 外国人
I once proudly told Chinese friend of free speech in America. Now I am embarrassed to say Americans demand they call themselves 亚洲人.
It is shameful
Ok dude, it's not even about race and ethnicity at this point, you have no human decency, because you are telling a Chinese person how she should think and feel, based on archaic readings you did about MY demographic.
Would you say the same thing to Black people? Or do you only dare to say this to an Asian woman?
Respectfully, FTFO.
Yaling, I'm black, male & a baby boomer and experienced many such encounters with Europeans that typically end with "I'm joking", if challenged or silence if ignored by me. I applaud your energy, commiserate with your fatigue and encourage you to continue speaking out. With over 50 years of experience I can assure you there is no fitting in bc even if you try, "A" will pull you out with microagressions that would exhaust an elephant. Good luck and live your life.
Thank you for sharing your experience and thoughts O, it means a lot to hear from another social group who are on the receiving end of this. The common denominator is that they are telling us by behavior that our feelings do not matter.
But it's about us. And we have the power to choose to engage or not: sometimes it gives us more peace to disengage, sometimes it makes us empowered to engage. As of today, I already feel that I'm ready to fight back and keep fighting.
I went on a date with a woman who could not get over the fact that my ex was Asian. Like really said some wild shit.
She sent me a link to an Asian dating app when I stopped seeing her. 😭
Yaling you’re a strong woman and you always are! I’m sorry for your experience but also proud of you speaking up!
Thank you for speaking up, it took real courage! From another Asian woman
Thank you for sharing, Yaling. And for speaking up to the poster of those images, and for expressing how we are not “nobody” and “everyone”.
Thank you Cindy!
Awful. I'm very sorry, Yaling.
Sorry to hear about all of these recent (and past) experiences... I remember back in the day, ethnic studies at Berkeley used to teach more about why the "model minority" myth is a negative thing. Not that I expect A to have studied any of it, but fetishization being a bad thing is probably an even easier thing to understand without any of the rather involved historical nuances.
The sexpat journalist thing... ugh. I guess it shouldn't be surprising, but that's definitely an unfortunate new thing to learn about.
Always appreciate your writing and hope you continue strong with it!
Thank you for sharing that experience James. 'Model minority' is something I had to educate myself on after moving outside China, and it's also NOT discussed at all in the UK.
But I did have that in the back of my mind when writing this — the thought of defying the 'model minority' empowers me — and I feel like I'm not just speaking up for myself.
Absolutely appalling in this day and age — I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Proud of you for speaking up and I'm hoping your account will inspire others to speak up, especially non-Asian allies. The emotional labor of educating others shouldn't be only our burden to carry.
Thank you Grace, reading comments like yours recharges my energy.
What you've pinpointed is so accurate — how non-Asian allies should support, and the emotional labor — I do hope more people who are not directly affected by the mindset 'Asians' feelings don't matter' can also join the conversation.
Thank you, Yaling, for sharing this so powerfully! For far too long, East Asian women have been (or expected) to stay silent—carrying the weight of blame, stereotypes, and misperceptions on their own. That silence has never been consent. It’s time to disrupt the narrative and reclaim the space, voice, and visibility we deserve, especially outside Asia!
Well said Kelly! This is the TL;DR of the piece, and a message that I hope readers would get.
Yassss Asian women NEED TO SPEAK UPPPP
Was trying to find the right words, but frankly, this nails it 👆
I've heard experiences from my wife, who is of Indonesian-Chinese ethnicity, that have shocked me. She is often told things like "how can you have ten years of working experience??? you look too young", or "you can't know about this because you're too young" and many similar things like this. Yet they have no clue that she's opened more than 50+ high end hotels across 3 continents and worked with billionaire owners from Germany to Tajikistan as well as hotel companies who add new brands to their portfolios. She was fortunate to spend a lot of her time growing up in New Zealand, where almost everyone who isn't Maori is considered an immigrant, and says there's almost no discrimination in New Zealand.
But I think in the UK one thing which also adds to any stereotyping is our class system. It's very subtle and some immigrants don't see it for a long-time, but anyone trying to achieve things is subtly pushed back unless they meet certain criteria such as going to the right schools, or having the right connections. There's an undertone of "who do you think you are?", which can be felt by those who have lived here all their lives and also immigrants. From what I understand the US is quite different to this, but having never lived there I can't say from my own experienc.
I am non-Chinese/non-Asian and lived the majority of my adult life in Mainland China including as a student at a t'op' Mainland Chinese university. This is absolutely nothing compared to the abhorrent racism we all experienced. In many ways I have sympathy for you and feel saddened by your experience. But as a Mainland Chinese national I have absolutely ZERO sympathy for you. Mainland Chinese are the most racist backward idiotic and hostile nationality against non-Chinese I have ever encountered, and are getting infinitely worse and Xi's ultra-nationalist Maoist BS rule.
Hi there, just want to point out that you are doing the same thing as the woman, putting all Chinese in a box, and want to point out that I am an individual. You DO NOT deserve those treatments, but it's hurtful to see that you decide to turn what you suffered back to individuals who haven't said or done those things to you. I hope you heal.
"as a Mainland Chinese national I have absolutely ZERO sympathy for you"
So you think every Mainland Chinese national thinks the same? Wow. Enlightened.
I’m drained to read about something like this happening in a city that calls itself cosmopolitan but have met enough people who think like that to not be 100% surprised. And hope you have other spaces that are free of that kind of assumption and objectification.
Yaling, Long-time reader of yours but I just want you know that after reading this post, I immediately upgraded to paid subscriber. Keep speaking up.
What a cringe post lmao.
Good it made you feel something
that's the problem with life. it's mostly cringe...the only question is whether you're in a position to avoid the cringe. that's what this post is about.